piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
