...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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