why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
