This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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