I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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