He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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