So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize