PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
