That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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