apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
