i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
