So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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