I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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