she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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