Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
