I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
