I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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