bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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