I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
