My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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