She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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