it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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