Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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