I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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