I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
pop tarts are not kleenex
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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