Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
