Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
