I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
ok first of all what the fuck
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
