If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
