...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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