Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
