So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
