last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize