Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
