whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
