chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
