Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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