is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
