you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
