Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
