Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
