so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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