tell your sister to shave her snatch
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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