there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
