sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
