I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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