You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
