R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
