remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't deserve a penis
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
