i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
