THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
