u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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