he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
