Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
