My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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