I heard we made out
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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