Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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