woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't turn off my feet"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
