"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Alive.
So much puke
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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