I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
MIDGETS
????
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
