I want to make a zoo with you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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