fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
