there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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