sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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