I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
