I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize