he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
