This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize