I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
