Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
