im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
