I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
