How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
