Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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